The Witness of listening in love
From TABLETALK
I hear it from wives as well as husbands. I hear it from teens and children. I even hear it in church committee meetings. “I don’t feel heard” is a regular refrain not only in more intimate settings but also in the culture at large. What’s going on here? The cynic inside me wants to write off every “you’re not listening to me” proclamation by saying, “You are being heard; you’re just frustrated that the listener is not agreeing with you or doing things your way.” While that may be true in some cases, the frequent assertions of not being heard may actually reveal an epidemic of defective listening.
As a longtime biblical counselor, it’s my job to listen. I was trained in the skill of listening to the stories, to the problems, to the hearts of those before me. But in my own strength and personality, I am not a very good listener. I would rather talk than listen. As somewhat of an introvert, I often muse in my own brain instead of listening. Listening to people every day wears me out. And sadly, that even applies when I’m listening to those closest to me.
The truth is that good listening is not a natural skill. As self-centered creatures, we don’t come out of the womb eager to listen to what others have to say. We most often want to talk more than to listen (the implication of James 1:19–20). Even when we are quiet and act like we are listening, we can get stuck on our own thoughts. This has probably always been the human condition, but it is certainly getting worse. Research studies demonstrate that attention spans are getting shorter with each passing generation. Distractions are becoming greater, not fewer. And the world of social media hasn’t done us any favors when it comes to listening to one another either.
Yet we worship and serve a God who loves to listen to His people. “We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him” (John 9:31). He always listens perfectly in love, exactly when we need to be heard. “Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear” (Isa. 65:24). This gracious reality must be the foundation for our listening to other people. God loves, so we must love. God in Christ forgives, so we must forgive. God listens to us, so we must listen to others. The work of God in our hearts is always the ground for the good work that He has called us to do. And listening to others, especially non-Christians, is a very good and necessary work in our world today. So how does listening in love to unbelievers provide a witness of Christ to the world?
Listening that is driven by the compassion of Christ is wedded to a desire to see people change.
First, listening in love says, “You are known.” How can you get to know another person without listening—and listening extensively? Listening to people’s stories gives us a three-dimensional view of them, providing us with knowledge and understanding that we can’t get any other way. When we seek to know unbelievers, we are pointing them to a God who already knew them before they came out of their mothers’ wombs. Even better, when they come to faith in Christ, they will enter the fullness of being known as adopted children of God. As they continue to be known by God each day of their lives, they will always enjoy His listening ear. Christians who listen are sending the message that God wants to know them as their heavenly Father. Listening to another person points to a God who is there, a God who knows His sheep and hears the cries of their souls.
Second, listening in love says, “You are welcome.” People increasingly feel alone, isolated, and on the outside. The world tends to divide rather than unify, exclude instead of include. Technology that promises to keep people connected continues to fail us. Listening to people in real time and real space demonstrates a desire to welcome them into the community of Christ, into a real, growing relationship with other believers. This is a witness to our gloriously personal God, who condescends to know and welcome us. Jesus is Immanuel, God with us, always present by His Spirit. When Christians fail to listen, we portray an unwelcoming church and an inaccessible Savior. Listening in love displays a heart that is open wide to all whom Christ sends us out to receive.
Third, listening in love says, “You are redeemable.” Listening that is driven by the compassion of Christ is wedded to a desire to see people change. The world communicates that you can’t change, that you are a helpless victim of (fill in the blank). It gives no hope for true redemption, offering only weak substitutes. Christians listen to others in order to help, to show that there is a way out of habitual sin, anxiety, depression, disordered relationships, and a host of other life struggles. As we compassionately listen, we give witness to a God who hears our prayers and sends His Spirit as our great Counselor (John 14:15–26). The God who listens gives wisdom to all who ask of Him (James 1:5–6). We point to a Savior who personally lived with and listened to sinful, weak, and hurting people, bringing healing, change, and redemption. To refuse to listen to others in their struggles is to miss opportunities to offer hope in Christ, the Savior of our souls.
If you don’t regularly remember how much God listens to your daily heart cries, then you will be tempted to tune out the people He brings into your orbit. Christians are called to be different from our nonlistening world. We are to reflect to one another and our world the listening ear of a loving God.
Dr. John C. Kwasny is the executive ministry director at Pear Orchard Presbyterian Church in Ridgeland, Miss., director of One Story Ministries, and a visiting professor at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, Miss.
He is author of several books, including Suffering in 3-D.
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